Vamp Through the Looking Glass

Writer's musings on the writing below.....feel free to pass if you get bored easy.


Ok, so I was pointed in the direction of this

[URL="http://rinkworks.com/fnovel/"]http://rinkworks.com/fnovel/[/URL]

Yes, I know its been on here before, thats not the point. But since I have a spare hour, I am going to go through the questions, one by one and see how badly Vamp* is affected. Off the top of my head, I guess it would be, so let's see. Since Vamp is mostly fantastical, I suppose it counts.

*My in-production novel, a small tale of boy meets girl, falls in love, finds out he's a vampire, accidentally gets involved in a Manchurian Candidate-esque conspiracy...you know, an everyday sort of tale.

The Exam

1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?
Well, Vamp is currently in Draft#1 but since the first reveal is on page 2, the crux of the plot is hinted at the end of Part One, and the characters are all set early on, I'm fairly sure this is not the case.

2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?
Uhm, no.

3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it?
Not the heir to the throne as such. He does have talents he doesn't know about though.

4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy?
Damn, they know the plot already, I may as well give up and become a priest or something. Not really the plot, to be honest, though it borrows some traits from the old storyline. And why not? Its been around since the Greeks if not earlier, and is time tested!

5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world?
No, its a story about love and war specifically. Lots of that yukky soap stuff people hate. With some set pieces to cheer them up.

6. How about one that will destroy it?
People destroy the world, not magical artifacts. There are no magical artifacts in Vamp. At least none that would credible fit into the story.

7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good?
Now there's an idea! Hehe. No, no prophecies here. Our main character, Tim, has never had a prophecy made about him in his life. And he's more like to sneeze and destroy the world than be the one man saviour of everything. That's not his style. If anything, he'd rather others did that and let him get on with settling down.

8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information?
One could claim that's all characters do, really. Exposition characters you say? I say none. All of the characters are in the story because the plot and their motivations determine they be so. Information is learned through various ways. Most of the readers background information comes from Sir Brack and Lord Hastings, and since they are plotting, it is less exposition than double checking they have the facts correct. Especially since Sir Brack is to secrecy what Tolkien was to the detective novel!

9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise?
No, but lots of vampires. Though please don't call them Vampires, they don't like that name. If you must, leave it at Vamp.

10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character?
Nope. Tim's dad is dead. And he doesn't come back. He's a footnote in the story, though the loss pushes the character obviously.

11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?
What king? Ah, you must mean the Prime Minister. Well, he does trust Hastings implicity...the man is his Chancellor, after all! Though Hastings is not an magician, and may not even be evil depending on a readers interpretation of the story.

12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel?
Well, Lily (Mandy's favourite character, incidentally) is a pretend doddery old ex-Hunter, which I suppose could fit the mould. Fits more in with my Adams inspired characters who'd rather go down to the pub and have a pint instead of save the world though! The problem with Lily is that he's done it all already, he was looking forward to a relatively easy retirement and suddenly he's mentoring. Lovely soul really, just don't mention the dragons to him.

13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"?
Now who would that be? Can't think of anyone sorry. Now there is Shimmy...but that is telling. Not many warriors though, we are set in present day London after all!

14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons"?
No, people can't help give away the plot here. The problem is that no one ever seems to want to listen. After all, if you plant something in plain sight, who's going to notice?

15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around?
Kirsty, probably, but then again, she is
A) rather shy
B) in love
C) an 18 year old girl, and my god, do I know a lot of them.
So I think she's rather accurate, all things said.

16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued?
Kirsty and Tim are symbiotic. Without one there is no other. That is all I am saying on the matter. As for the question, no.

17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals?
I don't know any feminist ideals to embody. Germaine Greer scares me and Libby Ahluwahlia failed me in Philosophy AS, so I tend to hide away from those things.

18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword" aptly describe any of your female characters?
Kirsty, minus the clumsy, the cooking and the wench bit. Which is a relief, seeing as there are no swords in Vamp, either.

19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan" aptly describe any of your female characters?
How many female characters do you think I have? The Vamps are a fairly male dominated society. Kirsty is the strongest female part in the book. And then there is Jouise. And we're not being sexist here - the plot needs to work!

20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"?
I have no dour characters. And I have no dwarfs either. So no.

21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"?
How about another no?

22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different?
Wrong type of fantasy, mate.

23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief?
Ask me when I write a character under four feet tall.

24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy?
No. You can also go on luxury cruises and conquer.

25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented?
I don't see how that would be relevant to my book.

26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or absolutely anything "of Doom"?
No, but I did check up the London A-Z. Especially the tube stations.

27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then?
No, my prologue is a potted history of how we got to this point, from the Vamp's point of view. They've been here all along, you know.

28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy?
No. It is a one off.

29. How about a quintet or a decalogue?
I'm not sure there is much scope for sequels to be honest. Though I could be tempted if the price was right (teeheheh)

30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book?
Probaly not.

31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"?
Nope.

32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books?
Prequels to what? Tim's story and the main plot are all encompassed in this one book. Further stories of Lily or Hastings or some other supporting character, from the past? Probably not, though one can never tell when a character insists on returning!

33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far?
Nope. Robert Jordan has however, sadly, been dead for nearly a year and so is unlikely to have read the test.

34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group?
I was never allowed to join a role-playing group. They considered themselves too cool for a loser like me.

35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm?
Nope. Unless London is fantastical. (Awaits the Neverwhere comments)

36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names?
No. They are all fairly pronouncable.

37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables?
Most are two, unless we are counting full names, and I'm not, because my full name - Michael Stephen Patrick Collins - is a damn sight longer than most fantastical names.

38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"?
Nothing wrong with that. One of them could have been from a migrant family? It is possible, you know.

39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings?
No,no,no,no.

40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"?
I have no idea what you are talking about.

41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"?
Yes. Well, probably. Maybe. Depends.

42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines?
No, but they do take a shortcut through a tunnel system underneath Britain. We're talking Vampires here, how else do you think they travel the country and avoid running water?

43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG?
Haha, no.

44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG?
Again, no.

45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast?
No.

46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls?
Note to self- include more inns.

47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't?
Feudalism has no part to play in Vamp, unless I go on to chuck part of the plot out of the window and have a time travel incident....not going to happen. Thus, irrelevant.

48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place?
No. Journeys are mostly cut out, to let the plot move. It also helps that since we can cut between, for example, Lily/Tim, a combination of Destrii/Hastings/Brack/Keneally,or Gerard/Kirsty, that we can progress time more believably than

"The journey is afoot!"
Hours later the journey was over.

49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the plot?
Perhaps he could, but if he didn't tell the others, I am sure that he would have a justifiable reason for that. Within his character motivations and not in terms of plot contrivance.

50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"?
Nope. No magic. Sorry.

51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel?
No. Do you think I should?

52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel?
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel?
No. but I'm always open to suggestions.

54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs?
I don't see what relevance this has to the book.

55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest?
No. What am I writing here? A book, fantastical, or the New Adventures of Black Beauty.

56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day?
No, no, tempted.

57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it?
Alas, all no's.

58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar?
Not on the page. Who knows what they do when I'm not looking at them though.

59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor?
They might do. I don't think any of my characters wear plate armour, and if they did, they haven't told me.

60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info]
Swords are irrelevant.

61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains?
Yes. So what? Besides its unattainable through self-fear, not through situation.

62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns?
No, but I do like my word play/double meanings on occassions. Is all I'm saying.

63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger?
haha! No.

64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man?
Certainly not.

65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal?
Everything Tim needs is in his Flask. He doesn't need any on the road meal.

66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead?
Not on the tundra, not with the mead, not nomadic, nor barbaric, and without barrels. Otherwise fairly accurate.

67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"?
Anglo-Saxon history is only passing in Vamp, and the Ancient Greeks are irrelevant.

68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion?
Nope.

69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves' guild?
Nope.

70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death?
No, but he does kill insiginificants!

71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute?
No.

72. Is "common" the official language of your world?
Not really.

73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before?
Nope.

74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?
Apart from a briefest of allusions to the Quest, there is little to connect the two.

75. Read that question again and answer truthfully.
I already answered truefully. Vamp is more like Harry Potter than LOTRs. And even then, its sufficiently different, sans wizards, magic, and even the quest. Vamp is the fight for love, and loving when everything gets in the way, at its very heart. Not "one ring to rule all".