Scotland the Brave

America may be better, but you'd all be screwed if it wasn't for Scotland.

Just think, if there was no Scotland, you wouldn't have....

Televisions. That means all tv, including YOUR favourite shows! So there.
Telephones, mobile phones and all that. Try talking to people now!
Proper detective stuff. So no Perry Mason, Dick Van Dyke, Colombo, CSI Miami, Law and Order, etc, etc, etc (god, you have a lot of detectivish shit)
Half the plots of your horror films...yep, they're from Scottish mythology. Mind you, you have to get knick them from Asia once they've knicked them from us...
No New York Herald...founded by Scots
No Scotch Whiskey, the only proper alcoholic drink in the world...Jack Daniels excepted, naturally.
No savings banks for you to get all capatalist about. What do you know, invented by...Scots!
No fax machines or any of these insanty messengering things
No foil so you can cook things without getting burned or destroying your ovens.
No National Geographic!
No hypnosis..that too was invented by Scots
As was stamps
As was trains! You'd have the biggest country in the world and bugger all ways to get around it cheaply.
No motion picture cameras. Thats right, you wouldnt even have your blockbuster movies! No Hollywood either.
No tyres for your cars. Invented by, thats right, a Scot. My god, you'll be in trouble now.
Found penicillen, after everyone else failed. Because we're great.
No fridges or freezers. Your food'll die a lot faster.
No waterproofing....Scottish scientists perfected that.
No bicycles. Now we're getting silly. You'd have to WALK.
No roads.....yes, roads as we know them today were invented by Scottish constructors.
No steamboats, the first steamboats were built by...Scots!
No ATMs to store your money...you'll never guess who invented them. I'll tell you: a Scot.
No Radars to help win your wars. We invented them too.
No chloroform, so you couldnt have painless surgery
The first recorded man to explore North America was...well, I think you can guess his nationality. Ol' Henry Sinclair.
No modern philosophy at all, if David Hume hadn't influenced Mr Kant. What would you do for ideologies then?
No Adam Smith, the man who invented the ideas of "free trade" and "division of labour"
No spies, FBI, CIA or any of that stuff....Pinkerton's boys came first.
No Winnie the Pooh, or Peter Pan
No Robert Louis Stevenson...ie, no Treasure Island, glamorous pirates, bodysnatchers, Jekyll and Hyde, ideas of predestination, etc
No working out what carbon dioxide is.
No way whatsoever with dealing with kidney disease.
No catalogueing of stars
No hydro-electricity
No dialysis for kidney problems
No James Watt. I leave that to your imagination whilst you bash about in the pre-industrial revolution.
A shitload of complicated mathematics that nobody understands but which shapes every economy on the planet, including yours.
No sterilisation of wounds. Created at the Glasgow Royal Infirmary.


Face it. Without Scotland, you'd all be screwed. We've saved your asses 1000 times more than you can even think.